good hair

today i went to go see chris rock's "good hair" and i learned a lot. it's an awesome film about african-american women and their pursuit of their ideal (which usually means caucasian-like) hair. i personally have always thought that the natural look was super cool for black ladies to sport. i mean, who doesn't love an afro right?!

well.... apparently black women, that's who. there is a scene in the movie where chris interviews a few high school aged girls and asks them about their hair in light of their just graduating high school and getting ready to go out into the world. the general conclusion is that the girls think they wouldn't be taken seriously or get a good job if they didn't relax their hair..... it's CRAZY!

i can relate in some ways to what the women in the film are talking about even though i am caucasian. i have never thought i had good hair. i think it's thin. and the natural color is just a "nothing brown" and it's straight without much body. and it just kind of hangs there.

well now that i've done everything in the book to it: colored, permed, cut, bleached, tortured and even worn extensions... i realize that if i'd just stuck to what nature gave me i'd probably love it! i look at all of these photos from the 60's and 70's and see all of these gorgeous women with long straight hair down their backs and realize i could've had that all this while if i'd just had a little perspective and appreciation for what i had naturally. such a shame.

i've grown so used to the instant gratification of dying it drastically or cutting it off. that way everytime i feel a bit bad about myself there feels like there's something i can do to make it better - or at least different. i'm sure it's a very thin veil for my self esteem issues but it's also a lot of fun at times. i've enjoyed shocking people, playing dress up, trying on new looks and feeling the freedom of not being afraid to cut or change my hair. it has made me feel brave and daring.... but i've also used it as a bit of a crutch at times... a way to escape when i felt like just being "me" wasn't enough.

these days i'm back to brunette (it's actually a shade just a bit lighter than my natural shade) and i'm planning to stay there. i know it's going to be a long hard road, but i'm still going to try to grow it as long as possible too. i'm trying to do as little as possible to my hair for as long as i can... and it's SO HARD but i know it will be gratifying in a whole new way to stop worrying with it, spending money on it, and generally being dissatisfied with it.

today i played with wearing a long scarf and it was a nice way to change up the look and get a bit retro and it also made me feel like i had long hair with the ends of the scarf hanging down my back.

here's to the journey ahead and the hopes that i can stick with it!